Newspaper headline misreadings while on the train.

• In today's edition of London Paper I misread the headline "Kind deeds bear fruit at Berwick Street Market" as "A kind of dead bear found at Beirut Street War" and I envision a corpse of a rotting bear with small silver barked apple trees bearing gold and/or red apples growing through gaping holes where the skin has collapsed or has been torn open. But however, I wish that I had misread "deed bears" as "dead bard" instead of "dead bear", because I was later to find out that it was Shakespeare's birth and death day today.

• And a further minor headline in that newspaper "I've been to elen back, says Frank's Ex" transformed into "I've been talking about blank sex" and I didn't have any further visuals to accompany that but well good luck to Elen Rives if that's all she has to talk about.