Shocking news about the breaking of crockery

I've broken a dish and a saucer at two different times by accident this evening and this is the first time I've broken anything like that since I was a child. You might wonder what the fuss is about. Well, this is certainly something shocking to me. I admit that I can't believe it's happened. Obviously this is about how exciting things get around here.

Another Thing That I Never Got To Do

• Well there was a self help course to enrich one's life and bring energy back into all of one's goals that a friend of mine Humay recommended me to. I wont mention the name directly but the first part of the main name had the second half of the name "England" in it and then second half of the name had the second half of the word "bookmark" , and it might well turn up as a sponsored link on the right if you Google the word.

• Some weeks back I went to an introductory evening, and it looked like a great and exciting thing for me to try out. People spoke about the breakthroughs that they made coming to terms with themselves and getting more out of the life that they wanted to lead, and I saw how genuine the emotions they expressed were. There was one person who came out with his statement to share and I thought he sounded like an act, but then my main muse manifested and she telepathically told me a word in my ear was only fair since he did admit he was an actor. But the whole course did suggest that small events and misunderstandings, such as ones from a child's point of view can create a lot of confusion that can upset the thought process in your mind through the rest of your life until you sort them out. It might well mean that there are a lot of important relationships in your life that you are missing out on and also viewpoints about being successful that you might refuse to have and thus stopping yourself from having such success.. Just because you saw an event or interaction with someone taking place in a certain way, it doesn't mean that they perceived it happening in the same way at all. The man giving the lecture that evening was most effective in what he was stating, with a great sense of humour. His surname sounded like a number.

• It was to be a three and a half day course , for three of the days you had to turn up 9am and stay till 10.30. I had been asked to attend one of their evenings by a friend named Rhiann who actually got Humay interested. At the time I had something else planned, so that never happened. Humay would not tell me a single thing about their self help techniques being taught in case his words didn't quite put the whole thing across correctly

• My friend Humay brought myself and another friend Dave the Rave along to see if it was something we'd like to do, and he would even himself go contribute half of the cost of the course for each of us, since he was feeling rich. At the end of the evening, I expressed that I would like to go and do the course if I had the money, and indeed I did not. I talked to the man at the desk and he was eager to enroll me and once I enrolled, the course would begin for me, although the actual thing would take place over three and a half days in May. Humay went ahead and payed the deposit for the enrollment fee for me, and the man enrolling me told me that if I really wanted to do the course, the money indeed would come. He trusted in this kind of reality, and felt that the building had a power to it. Dave was experiencing a mental illness of quite a serious type and he was advised that the course would not be wise for him in his predicament.

• Weeks layer it came to the time for me to finally pay the full fee by April 18th, and although Humay was willing to contribute his half, amazingly enough I didn't have the £150 from my side to hand over. I was upset over the fact that I do not manifest money so easily, there are things that I want to do with money and I am experiencing eternally the idea of feeling left behind in my own world with nothing that can be done about it to join the rest of the world. The company behind the course phoned me up to talk with me about my situation, they were eager to get me enrolled and payed up and see what could be done to get me through the whole enrollment. They suggested that maybe I could get a temporary job to cover the costs, but I haven't had a job in seventeen years, and well the job back then was only a Christmas job and they didn't want to keep me on at all.

• That was actually Fortnum And Mason's where I had a holiday job and they didn't want to extend my stay there, and I had a holiday job before that at Harrod's and since I did so terribly with it, I was forced to resign. I had done some website work for the local council since but my website design ability is out of date considerably and it was mainly voluntary. I do recall the dreams I have had since about running a charity shop and discovering that because of my inability to run the place, it went bankrupt. I am supposed to be an artist but I never feel that inspired to do drawing unless it's 5am or maybe I'm out during the day and am having a cappuccino, and there seems to be very little time to do anything like that anymore. Probably I might well be frustrated most of the time about my lack of money to do anything much to take the edge of the boredom that I experience.

• The company advised me to talk to my friend Humay about the situation further, and I did this and he was on his way out at the time to go somewhere with a friend, and he was also off to a wedding in Poland that weekend and he would think about my situation but I wasn't going to tell him that it was up to him to do a thing about it, it was after all my situation, but I felt that I wanted to tell him about my situation in relation to this thing.

• The company phoned me a few times and I was out, and then it came to a time when I had better tell them the whole thing is off. They phoned me that evening and I was out, and then my friend Humay phoned me up to tell me that he was going to lend me the other hundred and fifty pounds. I suppose in that case the money successfully manifested just as the company said it would. However, I did not know what to say about this because I wondered how on earth I would be able to pay him back, but as it went he did not seem to be too concerned about giving me a time limit to pay him back. I have some other debts to pay and well if I look at my situation in a typical normal way where miracles don't happen and money doesn't grow on trees, someone might even say to me something such as "You're in shtuck mate!" and I might know what the person means. I began to wonder about also whether I would be able to stick out the whole day for three days without wearing myself out because it was a long day and Humay himself would book himself a cheap hotel nearby when he did the various courses.

• As it went, I found out that weekend that there would be track replacement on the railways closing down my local station forcing people to take a rail replacement bus to a station a few miles down the road. For me that spelled out closure because there was no way I would be able to get through that journey with the rail replacement buses over the weekend and not be exhausted, by my own logical thinking, whether that logical state of mind was actually that logical or not. I could not have afforded a cheap hotel and would not have actually wanted to stay in one even if Humay stepped in to pay for it. I don't actually like having to bow down to the restrictions of what a person with no money has to put up with. So as it went I told them I could not go, and there was no longer any way to talk me around my great big barrier in life and so they canceled my place in the course.

• Then I wondered how I was going to pay off that £50 to Humay, even if there wasn't a deadline. I admit that isn't a lot of money but then it's not something I have spare. Someone out there might think that there is something really bizarre happening when I seem to have no way of personally making this money, and I would like to know myself. There are all the people with money who know how to spend it and have fun and here I am in my reality, looking at the complications of dividing the money I have into amounts which I can have some fun with while forever paying my bills too and finding myself wandering along a tight corridor with few turnings off since each turning usually requires a lot of money. It feels as if there is the most obvious thing in my mind stopping me from making money and it might be like a joke to share with other people if I found out what it was. You might even laugh too. But as it happened, since I did not pay the enrollment fee personally, they agreed to refund my friend Humay, and I was very happy to know this. I am still interested in doing the course at another time maybe, I don't quite know when. The receipt finally arrived yesterday and this would be the weekend of the course.

• You might ask yourself what the next thing I wont be doing is. And well, the list of things could well be getting longer. We could look at a number of things I ought to do and would like to do and at the end of the day, when it comes down to my reality alone, we could just take a look and see how they don't happen. At the moment, I am watching to see how my remarkable ability to not make money at all is squashing the living day lights out of my dream plan to see the David Lynch art exhibition in Paris, next Saturday with a friend who'll be there that day. I've been wishing to get to this exhibition since last year. I suppose "watch me have no ability to teleport there" might be another thing to say, that would be my alternate failure plan to play with which wouldn't rely on money.

Misreading of the day

At 1:10 pm pst , in a chat room, a Finnish maiden typed the words, "Where did this day go? I have done nothing today". And as I looked at those words, I misread her comment as "What did I do this day, I have done nothing wrong", as if she should have done something wrong, as if she had forgotten to cut all the goldfish to be found in the local pond, in half, and put them in a goldfish bowl to offer her next door neighbour as a present, as if she had done none of those things and this meant that her life was diminishing, becoming feinter and feinter when once it was a pool of light, now it's just a feint whisper of what it once was.

Her response to this was that it would explain a lot

Misreading of the day

Obviously yesterday at 3:21 PM PST, I had just misread the BBC news headline "Social lending gains net interest " as "send local rain as a guest". This was a heartwarming message from the collective consciousness for me to deliver to the planet that I wish to fondly share with you so that you may share it with others. Actually we haven't had much rain here where I live, so I might have trouble sending you my local rain.

"Sunshine"

• Some days before I saw the movie, I had no plan to see the movie Sunshine unless I could find out something about the movie that interested me, of course this was a scifi movie of a fairly large budget and there was not much to read about or see in the magazines of any interest. Actually I had heard a rumour that there's something a bit supernatural in it, but on the other hand, I had never failed to ignore a Danny Boyle movie yet. Actually I had seen the director wandering around a bookshop a year or two back and this did still did not inspire me to see his movies. I don't know what would have happened if he did make Alien Resurrection, but he didn't, so at that point there were no point for me to dwell on What Ifs.

report version 1

• well, I was coaxed into watching Sunshine. One reason is that I had no specific desire to single out ignore Danny Boyle's movies specifically although I have a tendency to do so as I notice that none of them in the past had drawn my interest, and well Sunshine had drawn my interest and I would have been a hypocrite if I had failed to see it because it looked visually interesting, and I have seen some scifi movies for even a less of a reason in recent times.

• As it goes, it was was a very visually beautiful film, and I left the cinema very sad that there wasn't much of a story, and no interest for me to explain anything that did seem unexplainable, and maybe there is indeed a problem today with trying to write a new sci-fi movie story of this kind. I switched off my interest as soon as they stepped aboard the other vessel in the movie and never turned it back on again.

• Also I was very critical about the ship and expected it to be better designed if they were going to be going into the sun because one slightly wrong move in the direction it was pointed was likely to cause a lot of problems for the ship. Well, I suppose I don't have to bother watch it again, and I don't have any desire to collect any of the interviews dealing with the movie. This might have been a movie perfect for other people

report version 2

• I did see this movie on Tuesday 10th April. Actually I had the intention of avoiding it as I do for some reason avoid anything that Danny Boyle has directed since the subject matter usually doesn't interest me, but the subject matter of this movie seeming to be a big looking scifi movie grabbed my attention and I went to see it with my beloved Jemima, we had decided that it was going to be a complete and utter failure of a movie and our intention was to somehow appreciate the complete failure that we would believe it to be. I admit that it was a beautiful film, but once they stepped on board the other space craft, I lost complete and utter interest in the events that followed and afterwards we were both almost in tears over what seemed like a fact that there was nothing left to make an interesting new scifi movie about these days, plotwise.

• These film makers keep trying and use scripts that seem only half formed and we get things such as failures such as Event Horizon setting the modern standards. Looking for something new, it also didn't help me that I watched "Voyage To The Bottom of the Sea" a week or so ago which dates back from the mid nineteen sixties and featured a submarine crew with the intention of sending a nuclear missile into the Van Allen radiation belt witch caught fire. The plot also involved a man with severe burns who was brought into safety from an iceberg because he had spent so long under the burning sky had gone a step further with his beliefs and turned into a religious zealot who felt that it was wrong for the Seaview crew to disrupt the work of God who obviously wanted to end the world , obviously he wanted to stop the missile from being fired off to save the Earth. Also a mistake costing the lives of two crew members because of an attempt to fix outside the results of some trouble the submarine ran into because of the effects caused by someone's attempt to sabotage the mission led to the saboteur a crewmember having a nervous breakdown and taking his own life. Just too many similarities fused with parts of other movies and maybe I couldn't have done any better. Well, maybe there is a re-occurring religious zealot saboteur who has suffered from horrendous burns to take note of as a figure that will turn up time after time in Western culture as a kind of a bogeyman due to the collective consciousness, or indeed Western society is lucky it, wont have to put up with him in another film again. Another thing about the movie, it didn't help me that the director overdid it for me with his Alien tributes.

• Well, I like a good scifi movie with a director who has a lot to talk about with his speculations in relation to the substance of the movie and couldn't find anything in the interviews of interest other than talk about the use of colour in the movie so maybe what was the real movie for me were the shots of outsides of the space crafts and the rest was just superfluous substance.

report version 3

• for some reason had the urge to watch a 1960s movie called Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea the week before, it was a fine movie for it's time, but when I watched "Sunshine" the following week, I was distressed about how three major plot elements seemed very much lifted from Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea and redressed. Myself and the maiden (the most otherworldly Jemima Tryon (also known as Solar Pixy) with whom I watched the movie were very upset by this, it just spelt out that people have great trouble writing really new material. As soon as they got aboard the place where the uninvited guest came from, I just turned off and wondered what I was doing in the cinema watching this film. I could have used my time better painting the toenails of the maiden who watched the movie with me than watching this film at that point.

• But all the exterior shots were very beautiful. I went ahead seeing the movie fully informed that I wouldn't find it that interesting, and as it goes, whenever I see a Danny Boyle photo or see him wandering around a bookshop in London, or even read an interview with him, I'm hit by waves of disinterest (which might be just what Danny Boyle wants from the public, so I could well be playing into his little game there, he had me fooled all along). I think that the title of his movie A Life Less Ordinary did make more sense when I would call it A Lifeless Ordinary. But Sunshine was the first movie of his that I saw, and maybe it might well be the last.

• But I acknowledge that it might well be hard to make a movie these days, and that Danny Boyle did have an interesting idea for the unwanted visitor that he couldn't get the money to shoot, in terms of glowing interior organs. I suppose also Alien's plot elements were borrowed from past movies and the act of borrowing and redressing elements from Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea is the natural thing to do for Sunshine's script writer, it might even be a brave move. When Sunshine comes out on DVD, there is a possibility that I might buy it for reasons similar to why i bought Event Horizon.

• It's probably a terrible time for new sci-fi ideas.

Twice I Did Not Get To The Hogarth Exhibition

• Probably the most exciting thing that has happened in a while is not getting to the William Hogarth exhibition at the Tate Britain. William Hogarth was a British painter and political satirist well known in the eighteenth century. I admit that I didn't want to go, I didn't find the idea of his work that interesting but twice it happened that I never got there, but each time I was going to go was because of a gathering of friends. The first time it happened, my friends Peter the Painter, Neil Arnewt , Pauline Smalline and Eamonn were all going to go, then Peter reasoned with the fact that he would be in Bournemouth that week at a conference, but could drive down from Bournemouth on that day, which might even mean that he could well miss the whole exhibition if there was a traffic pileup. There weas much discussion about this as Peter tried to work out what he wanted to do. However he decided to not go at all and to spend that day in a greater state of relaxation visiting a town between London and Bournemouth. With that I decided that I didn't want to go because the exhibition content itself did not interest me in the slightest, I felt that I was letting everyone else down but I had not committed myself to going anyway because the idea of seeing the Hogarth exhibition throttled me with waves of boredom from day one and without Peter's presence, there would be less insanity for the day. Peter did actually offer me his ticket, I further said no, and by the time I said no, he lost his ticket and I didn't feel so guilty.

• The next port of call for missing the Hogarth exhibition came along last Saturday when my friend "Humus" Humay (named after the legendary great warrior Humayoun/Humayun renowned for his great tomb) told me that he wanted me to come along with our friend R*. R* was to get me into the exhibition for free since she had a members pass for the exhibition that allowed her to bring another person in with her. The previous day she phoned me up to make sure I was coming along. I arrived at Humay's house and hour early by mistake because I had misread the clock, so I bought him his newspaper at the local shop and had green tea once I got back, allowing him to get up and get going, since he was still in his pyjamas and dressing gown when i arrived at his door. I wondered when we were going to meet R* (I'm not giving the lady's full name but her first name comes from a Goddess featured in the Mabinogion of Welsh mythology) because he had earlier thought she would be staying at his house over night because of the train problems in order to get to the exhibition, but as it went, we would see her at the gallery building itself. I wondered how realistic this would be, since she was prone to last minute decisions that defied my sense of convention.

• We waited endlessly for R* to arrive, we sat outside at the front entrance, she was late, we phoned her on her mobile and she never answered, we assumed she was underground. Humay found himself being approached by a beggar who claimed to have been on the street for six weeks, he wanted money from us, I had none to give and Humay showed some concern about what the beggar wanted money for, he gave an answer that he wanted it for the gas, water and electricity bill, Humay only had a few coppers in his pocket anyway and with that small amount of change, the tramp went off. We waited on and on for R*, we thought there would be perhaps some delay for her with the trains being replaced by buses up beyond Harrow-On-The-Hill station. Humay became worried with concern about what happened to R*, she might have been in an accident. We had a coffee in the café, I drew a portrait of Humay as he read the newspaper , I invented more reasons for Rh* being delayed, maybe she was caught in the underground talking to a hari krishna devotee who was gay or something like that (I think she knew one about a dozen years back). The woman sitting beside us looked at me as I talked, and she burst out into fits of giggling, and then I stumbled on the idea that R* might still be home, and what if one of us phoned her there, and Humay did this, and found that she was still home unaware that she was supposed to come at all

• What happened was that the two of them were going to another exhibition locally in the evening, and she told him that she would not be going to the Hogarth because of the other exhibition, and when she told him the previous evening, they were in a pub gathering, and he was on his fourth beer quite unconscious of much of what was being saidWell, by the time we knew where we stood in relation to R* , we went ahead to buy tickets, and we found out soon that we couldn't buy tickets to go in until about three hours later, so we decided to leave and go to another exhibition elsewhere which we both wanted to go to i could go to for free.

• I did feel some sorrow for Humay because he really wanted to go, and he appreciated the fact that this was a favourite artist of the Private Eye editor Ian Hislop (who incidently I had walked past in a street about a couple of weeks back for the first time and this was also the first time his name was mentioned to me for many years since quite honestly no one had a reason to mention his name to me) and it also seemed that he would not get an opportunity to see this on another day, especially as it was close to the end of the exhibition.

• Indeed the fact that I didn't get there for me was much more important than wanting to go at all.

Synchronistic Manifestion of a Butterfly

Last week I was listening to a recording of a seminar on manifesting financial abundance and there was the basic exercise of closing your eyes, envisioning a butterfly and expecting it to see them everywhere, I was so certain that it would not work for some unknown reason and for the last week, I didn't see a single butterfly, it's not butterfly season here anyway. Anyway about a week ago, I sent a letter asking for some absent healing for my cats from the daughter of a famous healer Betty Shine (now deceased) who has set up an absent healing network during her life time, and she sent me a book of poems by her famous mother and it had images of butterflies on the cover, and that arrived this morning.